Wife: Honey, could you please help me clean the garden?

Husband: Do I look like a gardener?

LAZY HUSBAND! (FUNNY STORY)
Wife: Oh, sorry love. Alright then, how about fixing the bathroom door?

Husband: Do I look like a carpenter?

The husband walks out, leaving the tasks undone. When he returns later, he finds the garden neatly cleaned and the bathroom door fixed.

Husband: I knew my wife would handle everything herself!

Wife: It wasn’t me.

Husband: Really? Then who did it?

Wife: Our neighbor.

Husband: How much did you pay him?

Wife: He didn’t want money. He just gave me two options: bread or sex.

Husband: I hope you gave him bread!

Wife: Do I look like a bakery?!