The holiday season brings together families of all generations to celebrate. As a grandparent, ensuring the happiness, love, and connection of your family is likely a priority. However, sometimes comments, even if well-intentioned, can make grandchildren feel uncomfortable or insecure.

It’s important to think about how we communicate with our grandchildren, not just during the holidays, but throughout the year. Changing the way you speak might be challenging, but it’s crucial to remember the impact words can have on their self-esteem.

If you’ve ever used any of the following phrases or happen to say them in the future, don’t be too hard on yourself. Here’s some guidance:

“Don’t tell your parents…”
Giving extra treats or allowing late nights while keeping it a secret might seem harmless, but encouraging children to hide things from their parents can be risky. This behavior can undermine parental authority and suggest that it’s sometimes okay to keep things from their parents, which could have serious implications if they face difficult situations. It’s better to emphasize open and honest communication with parents, regardless of the circumstances.

“You’re so big!” or “Have you gained weight?”
Commenting on a child’s body or weight can negatively affect their body image and self-esteem. As adults, it’s our duty to support children in feeling comfortable with themselves. Grandparents’ remarks can have a lasting impact, so it’s important to avoid comments that might cause insecurity.

“Oh, you ate more than I did!”
When it comes to your grandchildren’s eating habits, it’s best to avoid making comments. Children are learning to understand their own hunger signals, and your remarks might influence their eating behavior in ways that could lead to confusion or shame.

“You must come give me a kiss or hug!”
It’s natural for grandparents to want to show affection, but not all children are comfortable with physical contact every time. It’s important to respect their boundaries. Instead of insisting, try rephrasing your request: “I’d love a hug, would that be okay?” This approach helps teach children about consent and respecting personal boundaries.

“Your parents are wrong about…”
Parenting approaches change over time, and while it’s normal to notice differences between generations, it’s important to be cautious about making critical comments. Such remarks can confuse or undermine a child’s confidence in their parents. Unless there’s potential harm to the child, it’s better to avoid making judgments and, if necessary, discuss any concerns directly with the parents rather than involving the grandchildren.